Rev. David Holwick see Illustration #3578
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
October 19, 1997
Mark 6:30-34
SAY NO -- WITHOUT GUILT
I. Can you do it all?
A. Nominating Committee meeting tonight...
1) This sermon will prepare you to say, "No."
2) Most of us bear multiple responsibilities: job, home, church.
B. Jesus' verses that tell us to give all.
1) Go the extra mile - or else. Matt 5:40-42
2) If you're not being crucified, you're not genuine. Mk 8:34
C. Some of the results of giving too much.
1) Stress.
2) Serving more, but enjoying it less. [below??]
3) Family neglect, spiritual crisis.
D. Saying "no" is a great skill.
1) The great English preacher Charles Spurgeon once said,
"Learn to say no; it will be of more use to you than
to be able to read Latin."
#2098
2) Can Christians say "no" without guilt?
II. When you need to set boundaries.
A. Signs of burnout.
1) Your time and conversations are consumed by ministry.
2) You have nothing to give, even if you WANT to serve.
3) You feel persistently tired or resentful.
4) You no longer see fruit from your service.
B. Set healthy boundaries.
1) Jesus escaped on a boat. Mk 3:9-10 (LB only)
2) Stay involved with people, but keep self from being crushed.
C. Assess your commitments.
1) Are we really over-burdened, or just out of control?
a) Most people fritter away tons of time.
b) Bike hike this afternoon - 8 broken bikes. Yesterday...
2) Balance time commitments with personal profit.
a) Stuff you do for others takes more effort than watching
TV, but makes you feel better in the long run.
III. The boundaries.
A. Boundary #1. Listen to the Father, not the crowd.
1) "How did I get into doing all this?"
a) List the immediate reasons.
b) Deeper reason - we never say no.
1> We want people to like us.
2> We want to be loved and affirmed. (approval)
2) Jesus had only one boss. John 8:28; 9:4
a) Sometimes he didn't have time to eat. Mk 3:20f
1> He was often moved by compassion for crowds.
b) Other times he abandoned the crowd for solitude. Mk 6:30
1> He went from people's needs and into God's presence.
3) We can say no, if we say yes to something more powerful.
a) Say yes to God, who loves and accepts us.
b) Jesus didn't burn out because he listened to the Father.
1> God gives strength to say no.
2> God gives a healthy boundary against insecurity-driven
over-commitment.
B. Boundary #2. Find your specific mission.
1) God hasn't asked us to do everything.
a) When Moses burned out, God taught him to delegate.
1> Moses even had someone hold up his hands at parting
of Red Sea.
2> The church has lots of people so each can do a little.
3> Families, by definition, are two or more.
A> Spread the wealth of duties.
b) Jesus had a specific, narrowly defined ministry.
1> Lost sheep of Israel, in spite of Roman highways.
Matt 15:24 (crumbs)
2> He focused.
2) What is our focus? Calling?
a) If you are a husband, you have certain priorities.
b) God will give you strength for what he has specifically
called you to do.
C. Boundary #3. Accept your human needs and limitations.
1) Even Jesus had to walk, eat and sleep.
a) God designed us with physical limitations.
b) Recognize that you are mortal.
c) Only Jesus had to die for the world. <<<<
2) God is not limited.
a) Kevin Miller's friends needed counseling, but he had to
renege at last minute.
But they worked it out between themselves with God's
help.
D. Boundary #4. Recognize the human limitations of others.
1) Reasons to say "no" to people:
a) If giving reinforces weakness.
b) If giving indulges childishness.
c) If giving enables sin.
d) If giving allows others to burn out or be neglected.
2) Making others self-sufficient.
a) Gradually increase their responsibility.
b) Do what really benefits them, even when it hurts at first.
c) Focus on solutions rather than rehearsing the problem.
1> As long as people are consumed with their needs,
their dependency will remain.
2> Do not treat ongoing needs as emergencies.
A> (counseling drunkee at night - wait till sober)
d) Encourage them to get their strength from God.
Richard was homeless, church put him up.
He did not look for work so they rebuked him.
He moved out, dated and milked a girl in the church.
They rebuked him again.
He moved away.
Pastor ran into him, he said he had no relationship
with God.
Recently Richard phoned from Ohio to say he was
"living for Jesus."
He is attending a strong church, working, and is
married.
The overdependent frequently flee when handled stoutly,
but that same firmness, and not softness, is what
helps them most.
#364
IV. Writing blank checks.
A. Do we promise to do anything, no matter how late, anytime?
1) It is dishonest and ends up hurting people.
B. What happens when we allow people to "over-withdraw."
1) I help person, but feel mad and frustrated.
2) I realize I cannot do task, and renege and hurt them.
C. Do not overdraw your time-and-energy account.
V. Where do we find the strength? Ps 121:1-2
A. God sometimes calls us to risk.
1) Boundaries can be broken, if God says so.
2) God can give you more strength than you realize. Phil 4:13
B. Our God is able.
1) He is our only source of strength.
2) He doesn't slumber or have limits. Ps 121:1-3
a) He who made the mountains can help us across them.
C. If God is calling you to do something, he'll give the strength.
